The Colbert Report/Episodes/EpGuide/Episode 488
Production Info The Check-In * Dr. Colbert is asking His Jew Friend for the Late Night Bailout Thing ** if he fails, Stephen will take Jew Boy down with him! * Dr. Colbert needs $40 ** many people depend on his appetite for their jobs Intro SEGMENT1 * Stephen Colbert is here! ** always a good show when tat cat shows up! * Shocking, disturbing footage ** young children ** pregnant women, have them leave or render them unconscious * President Bush kisses Barbra Streisand ** prescribe to patients who pass the four hour mark * they are sworn enemies ** stole the election ** poisoning political system ** alien sent to destroy the Earth * for one award she will reverse all her beliefs ** Stephen didn't do anything like that and can handle anything life throws at him and some weird punctuating neck thing *** Sasha Fierce, Dr. Colbert's stage personae that accepts awards from Hollywood, so he won't have to sell out his principles like Barbra Streisand did when she was given a Kennedy Honors award and kissed The Greatest President Ever. SEGMENT2 * America lost 5,000 jobs ** more than what Sean Hannity has * calling the loan an "emergency bridge ** giving the CEOs something to jump off * Tonight's word: Season of Giving * give away gold ** not to Jesus, to GM , Ford, Chrysler * bailout package Stephen doesn't agree with it * including ** driver side bong holders ** transgender mudflaps * frees the carolers who fall into his caroler pit * losing car companies would be like losing a foot ** losing the banking industry would be like losing an asshole * 2 million jobs dependent on auto industry * Stephen's Grandmother sold 1979 powder blue pinto ** sold it to Stephen for $1 *** went 0 to 60 on a good day * someone has got to pay ** but it's Christmas and that someone has got to be us SEGMENT3 * don't trust what people tell you over the phone ** movie phone guy is so eager to tell you when the movies are *** he ransacks your home * I'm Just Another Slug On The Planet--Ros-Leihtenin's campaign slogan * during the campaign, Sarah Palin was tricked by DJs pretending to be Nicholas Sarkozy ** and was tricked by a dial tone pretending to be Gordon Brown * Stephen is outraged that Obama and Rahm Emanuel are still holding their ** Chicago-area prank fest ** "Barry & The Stump * Ros-Leihtenin did not climb a stripper pole on a radio show called Enrique y Joe ** she got almost $40 in singles. Interview * Geoffrey Canada * wants to help underprivileged kids go to college, if they major in english, they'll be underprivileged adults * CEO of Harlem Children's Zone ** like Gymboree * will end generational poverty ** something parents give to their children * it is critical for America to be number one * number one in locking up children and murdering our children * The Harlem Zone ** Baby College *** make sure poor parents know about brain development as wealthy parents do * motto: Whatever it takes ** not different than by any means necessary * will not accept failure * will level the playing field ** spreading the wealth * when my children do better, your children will do better * over 10,000 kids in the program * Obama wants to start similar programs around the country * was on Oprah's show ** children learned about Lehman Brothers *** economic crisis could be blamed on poor, black children * $350 billion for schools would have been a better investment Epilogue * Dr. Colbert will be on Late Night with Conan O'Brien ** gives him about 30 minutes to make a movie to promote ** Shark costume ** mountain climbing gear ** 50 gallon tub of custard Dr. Colbert's Appearance On Conan O'Brien's Lesser Known Show * Dr. Colbert helped Conan O'Brien look into the future ** Cap'n Crunch will die bravely in battle after his ship is attacked by Somali Pirates ** Barack Obama will finally give up smoking when that plastic stuff on Joe Biden's head catches on fire ** Apple will introduce a new MP3 suppository comfortably hold 10k songss *** painfully 20k ** the entire wold will be WiFi after India and Pakistan nuke each other and leave a helpful residue in the air *** but there will be global WiFi ** saying that his habit is leading him to an early grave, cocaine will give up Amy Winehouse * during the commercial break, Dr. Colbert body surfed and danced ** fire shot out of (some say) his mouth * Stephen explains his relationship with The Heroes ** they do what he says ** Stephen tells them what to do * Stephen mentioned Wikiality, wikilobbying and the population of elephants * also changed Conan O'Brien's page, to say: ** Conan O'Brien was arrested for assaulting a sea turtle with a canoe paddle ** deeply admires and is painfully jealous of Stephen Colbert * Stephen allowed that Kanye could have a comeback * Conan was jealous that he wasn't invited to sing with Stephen ** Stephen sang Jingle Bell Rock with him as asbestos fell from the ceiling, and a tree, a fireplace, three dancing girls and a midget appeared Gallery Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Motherload Videos External Tubes *Link Title *Link Title Reviews and Comments